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Writer's pictureRochelle Gridley

Warren the Waffler


In August and September of 1929 the Pantagraph sponsored story contests where readers were challenged to write a conclusion to either a "romantic" story or a historical mystery. A cash prizes of up to $5 were offered for the best solutions. Each story was accompanied by a sketch or series of sketches drawn by the Pantagraph staff artist, Tom Sears.

Warren Hoyt had a dilemma -- he thought he was in love with six girls! His story was told in the form of letters to his friend Bill, who he hoped would advise him what to do. Each letter described his passionate feelings for a different woman, who was a different "type" than the others.

Helen was a teacher and very intelligent, but as Warren observed, men are intimidated by brainy women. She was beautiful, and responsive to all his feelings. but she received an offer to move forward in her career, and Warren couldn't make up his mind that he really wanted to marry her and thereby have the right to ask her NOT to follow this opportunity for improvement. Sears drew a scene of Warren sulking, half turned from Helen, whose body language says she will make the "correct" decision and sacrifice her career for the chance to have a man.

Vera made Warren's pulse pound whenever she walked into a room. And everyone would stare when they arrived, Vera was so beautiful and well dressed. But Vera was a little older than Warren, and had been married before. Was it unwise to marry a woman who was older and more experienced? A mere touch could unhinge Warren, he kissed her throat and embraced her, which he knew was wrong. But Vera was sophisticated and always knew what to do. She reciprocated his caresses, touching his hair, his face . . .

Who would Warren choose? What woman would be fool enough to choose HIM? He criticized one of the women (girls!) for seeing men other than himself. The responding readers wrote out a series of scenarios (with drawings) showing the unhappiness in store if Warren should marry anyone but the one woman ready to sit at home and mend his socks, tend his babies and coddle his fragile ego. But she failed to consider that Warren was a very bad bet. He was selfish with no thought except for his own comfort and security. I predict any marriage with this waffler would end in divorce within two years. He would meet yet another woman who was more skilled at stroking his ego and making his heart beat like a steam engine. Keep your day job, ladies, Warren will leave you holding the baby.

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